When I said "see you in June,".....

...I might have meant "in a couple years."

I know, I know. Long time, no see. You might remember two years ago in May, the sudden suicide of a close friend turned my life upside down right around the time that this Substack had gotten my writing gears greased. I just couldn’t bring myself to come on here and talk about silly things.

I’m still DEVASTATED by this loss. I still find myself sobbing out of nowhere when something reminds me of Shanna (which is often). Recently (last week), I spent some time with one of our mutual friends (literary hero of mine) I hadn’t seen in person since Shanna passed and I loss my shit in her arms (SO GRATEFUL she was there) at which time, she shared with me the way she and Shanna met. “You know how we met? I did a reading and Shanna came up to me, grabbed me like this,” she grabbed my elbows, “and said, ‘Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking KIDDING ME?!’" This poked my giggle box, bent my sobs into crying laughter, and it was like Shanna was there with us out of thin air!

I’ll never get over it. I won’t even try. She was one of the great loves of my life, platonic as fuck.

But, in the past two years, I have learned to live with it. I had to not only accept but embrace the grief as part of who I am now. And this lets me laugh and dance and fart in Shanna’s honor. And that has let me write. But I’ll get to that…

A LOT of shit has gone down in the past two years. I’ve written a couple of books. I hung art in a famous theatre where an atrocious tragedy happened, and watched the place struggle to get back on its feet. I believed in something great led by someone I thought was great only to find out it was all a big con (another grief I’m learning to accept). I’ve left (again) my marriage and gone back (don’t worry, I’m writing a book). I’ve done my very first real writing residency (and in doing so visited the alien planet of Iceland). I’ve eaten in a restaurant that’s basically an art gallery—with Picasso’s and Calders staring back at me. I’ve been on TV. I slept in Julia Child’s bedroom and drank wine in the same bar James Baldwin closed down almost every night.

And so much more.

I’m hoping I’ll get to catch you up on some of that. I hope I’ll get to talk about France and French stuff and whatnot. I’m happy to be writing about the thing I know most about: Myself.

I’m excited to spend time with you again.